chasing stars

riza was not in a good mood right now. she broke up with her nth boyfriend and as a friend, of course, my job is to listen.  i cannot remember how many times i’ve heard her story, nor can i count the times we sat in this corner of starbucks, she puffing her cigarette while i’m drinking my coffee. 

“riza, that’s your 5th cigarette in an hour, i think you need to breathe fresh air,”  i told her in a bored manner. 

“easy for you to say because you don’t smoke,” she told me. 

“i don’t smoke because i’ll have bad teeth and bad breathe if i do,” i am getting really really bored. 

“well, as if it matters, nobody kisses you anyway,” she said rolling her eyes.    

“true, but if i’m here every other week to cry like you, i don’t think i’m missing something.” i am getting into her skin.

“i don’t cry…well if i do…it’s not because of them.”

“if you say so,” i remember we had this discussion before.

hmmmm, that’s weird, she’s not answering back and she’s fidgeting in her seat.  there is a a guy somewhere near. i’m sure of it.i turned my head and got the biggest shock of my life.  i cannot believe i’m looking at him. he was not looking at me. he was playing with something inside a crib, like a baby’s crib… like his baby’s crib, he was slowly looking up though.  i think my head got separated from my neck from turning again so quickly.

“riza, let’s go.” i said trying not to panic.

“what’s wrong? you look so pale. are you okay?” she’s starting to notice.

i will calm down. “i’m fine. i’ll just finish this coffee and then we’ll go, alright?”

“sure, sure. relax.”  now she knows.

i met riza 3 years ago. we had the same work.  that time i was mending a broken heart.  that time, i was exactly like her so we got along very well.  we were a team, we  hang out together, meet people and enjoy the company of men.  after a while though it wore me out.  i got tired.  after a year of being friends, i told her of what happened to me a year ago.     i told her my story.  my only story, the one that revolves around jake, the one that got away.  jake was every woman’s dream, a very understanding guy. he was also responsible and very funny. he was smart, ambitious and has plans, definitely has plans. while i, i was the girl who took advantage. the girl who left him because he had plans. fear lured me to the nearest door out.  jake though, continued his plans and pursued his career and got out of town. i tried to look for him, i was telling myself, i was just looking to make sure he was alright, but i didn’t find him.  it dawned on me that he probably didn’t want to be found.  so i went my way, started my life on my own again the way i thought i wanted it to. that was the time i met riza. 

“carmela.”  somebody was calling me. it was jake. he was standing beside me carrying the baby.  i tried to talk, i think i did. 

“how are you?” he asked. 

“he’s asking how are you…..for goodness sake mella!” now that’s riza.  

“jake…. ummm….. is that your baby?” now that’s me.  he was smiling, i mean laughing, trying to stop his laughter and failing to. the baby was starting to cry and riza was watching intently, looking at me, looking at him, looking at the baby. 

“jake! is that your baby?!?!” 

“he’s such a cute baby, don’t you think?” he was trying to piss me off.    

“riza let’s go!”  now the baby was really crying so hard. 

then  i saw her approaching,  “jake you can’t even take care of him for 10 mins,” then she went back to their table to feed the baby. 

“is that your sister?” i was calming down. 

“yes, you remember her right?”he said looking at me intently.  i remember that look. i got all flushed and speechless again. 

“how are you mella?”  now that sounded like a carress. 

“i looked for you jake.”   

“i know, but i wanted you to find me for a different reason.”  makes sense to me. 

” jake i—,”  i am once again that girl 3 years ago. 

“you haven’t changed mel,”  was that disappoint i heard? was i that same girl still?  did i ever grow up? 

“i have changed jake. now i know your hair falls more on the left side. i can see how your eyes lighten up when you smile.  i can hear your words clearer now.  i can see your cheeks glow when you look at me.  i can feel your arms wanting to embrace me….   i have changed jake, because now i’m sure that i won’t let you get out that door without me.”    

“how about me? do i need to get out that door?”  jake and i looked at riza.   

“oh i’m sorry you must be mella’s friend——” 

“riza go home i’ll catch you later——-” jake and i said at the same time. 

“you’re mean mella!”  

i rolled my eyes and went on introducing them.